Forgive. Forget.

“Forgive and forget”

A message to a teenager:

Over the years, people have hurt you – you expected this as a teenager. Boys don’t treat you right, girls are hateful and rude, and in general, not everything goes your way.

No matter how much it hurt, no matter how many nights you spent crying in your parents arms, or sobbing quietly in bed, or screaming and wondering what made you deserve being treated liked absolute shit, you’ve always found a way to forgive. Forgive that boy, that girl, whoever. Because you know that the weight of not forgiving is far heavier than the weight of hurting. It’s pointless not to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and you realise that.

Forgiveness is not the hard thing. Forgetting is.

Time allows you to move on, grow happy again. Find a new love, a new friend, a new hobby. You’ve forgiven whatever hurt you a long time again. But you haven’t forgotten the pain that they inflicted on your soul. When you remember it, unexplainable feelings simmer to the surface, your heart begins to ache, your voice grows angry. All the emotions rush back, pumps through your blood, infect your mind, your thoughts. The feeling of worthlessness returns – the one you so wanted to bury.

Yes, forgiving someone is easy, but forgetting what they did is impossible. The two should not be confused, nor treated the same way. It’s ok to remember, to forget, to forgive, to do whatever you need to do, so that you feel important again. Your own person. You.

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Year of 2014.

So 2013 flew by and suddenly I find myself in a new year, and you know what a new year means? A chance to start over, to improve, to change, to do whatever you’ve always wanted to do. Often people make superficial new years resolutions like “lose weight,” which are harldy thought out, nor achieved. I usually make similar resolutions, and tend to forget them by late january, and the same went for this year. I went to bed on New Years Eve, without one single resolution in mind, but the next day I met up with my friend and she told me hers. I was amazed at how perfectly her resolution could apply to me.

This year I want to step outside of my comfort zone – socially, physically, academically. 

In 2013 I always felt constrained by my shyness and fear of new experiences, and this stopped me from doing things that I wanted to do. Socially, there are so many people in my class that I want to get to know better, but I was always too afraid to talk to them, or whenever I found myself in an actual conversation with them, I would find a reason to leave (before it got awkward). This year I’m going to push myself into making an effort and overcoming that initial shyness that finds me tongue tied and blushing. After all, I’ve only got 6 months more with these people, and I may regret it if I don’t. 

Physically, I want to push myself beyond my comfort point. Since running season ended, I have literally done nothing. I blame my laziness on how busy I am, but I know in reality, it is no excuse. This year, I’m going to begin a routine that will enable me to get fit again, and I know that this will in turn boost my confidence (which has been lacking)!

Academically, I think it is obvious. I graduate in 5 months, and it’s probably going to be the most challenging 5 months I have ever experienced. I need to find the motivation to keep going, to prevail even when it feels like no matter how hard I try, I don’t do well. These 5 months will determine whether or not I get into the university I want, and I need to work my butt off! 

I hope writing this resolution out will help me stick to it. This is something that I have thought a lot about, and I know that if I achieve it, I will be a happier, healthier, more confident person! Do you have any new years resolutions? 

🙂